It’s slow going. I think I’m still into it, but I don’t know. I feel like I’ve been reading this book for _weeks_. Sometimes I just get into these non-reading moods. I’ve been watching more TV lately too. It’s motivated by a desire to escape from life. February and March are often-times hard months for me, emotionally. It’s easier here in California, where the weather is so much lighter, and it doesn’t get very cold in the winter.
I feel like the last six months have been about a search for equilibrium. Some of my old systems have broken down, and I’ve yet to replace them with new ones. My life used to run like clockwork. I knew each day exactly what I’d do, and then I did it.
The problem is the writing. I’ve lost a certain fluidity. This means that there’ll be days and weeks and months where I’m spinning my wheels, writing-wise. And during these times, it all can feel very futile. As a result, I start to slack off a bit. Of course I still wake up in the morning and turn off my internet and get to work, but an urgency is lost. I don’t updat my blog as often. I miss some days of writing (last year, after four years of writing every single day, I missed four days of writing!)
This will pass, though. It’ll pass. I’m processing something, I think. Relearning how to do something…