There it is. That’s the sum of my advice.
But in case you need clarification, I love parties. I enjoy hanging out with my friends. I like intimate dinners and casual chilling. I’m even down with spending a friday night alone. But if I’m not going to parties and meeting new people, I just feel depressed. I start to feel like my social life is closed, and my life is over.
About two months ago, I started to get that feeling again. I’d just started dating someone, and while that was good, I felt like I was spending too much time with people who I already knew. So in order to correct this, I decided to throw my own party! A Garden Party! I had it in my garden, and I invited everybody that I knew. I prefer daytime parties, because no matter how many people come, it’s always a success. Two to eight people? It’s a brunch. Eight to twenty? it’s a gathering. Twenty or more? It’s a party. You’re never at that awkward stage (so long as you control how much food you make) where you reveal that you were expecting more people than arrived.
Anyway, the Garden Party went off well and a good time was had by all, so a few days ago, I had my 30th birthday party. That too was good. It was fancy dress themed! We’ve got some amazing pictures, somewhere (I really do need to find those pictures).
But the unintended consequence of all this is that I’ve been getting way more party invites than I normally do. What I hadn’t anticipated was that when you invite someone to a party of yours, they feel bound to invite you to their parties, even if they don’t come to yours.
And since I am shameless, I will definitely go to the party of someone I haven’t seen or spoken to in the last seven years. No better time for reconnecting than the present, am I right?
Other nice thing about throwing parties: you can see who wants to be your friend.
I don’t use parties as a litmus test for friendship. I think friends of mine, even good friends, can have good reasons (health or other engagements or even just not feeling like it) for not coming to a party of mine. One of the nice things about friendship is that you feel secure in the other person’s affections, and they don’t need to constantly prove themselves to you. However, when someone you’re _not_ close to comes to your party, then you can be like, hmm, this person maybe wants to be my friend. It’s not a promise, or anything. But the possibility is there.
I’m not quick to make friends. I’ve realized that, on average, I tend to be acquaintances with someone for like 3-4 years before becoming an actual “I have your cell phone number and we sometimes make plans to hang out just the two of us” friends. Not saying this is the best way to be–it is simply my way. And because of that, I have a long list of acquaintances who will maybe someday become my friends, and throwing these parties has been a good way to sort through those people a little bit.