I feel…not the happiest

il_fullxfull.453183588_54ytHaven’t been feeling very good about myself or about life lately. The usual woes. That’s why I’ve fallen behind on blogging. I just can’t muster up the energy. I haven’t been reading much either (still making my way very slowly through Anna Karenina). I’ve been putting in a lot of writing time, since thinking about story problems relaxes me. However, the writing hasn’t been going particularly well. I think part of it is that I rely on my ability-to-feel to gauge whether or not a particular section of the narrative is working. If it makes me feel things, then I think it’s good. If it doesn’t, then it’s bad. With my ability-to-feel on the fritz, it’s proving more difficult. Not sure what to do about that. Right now I don’t really have any pressing writing matters, since I haven’t heard back about my proposal and I’ve already sent in my novel revisions. I do have an MG novel that I guess I’ll start to revise in a few days now that two friends of mine have given me comments on it. But I’d really like to write something new. I wrote a few short stories earlier in the year, but other than that I feel like I haven’t done anything new since I completed the first draft of the MG novel over the summer. I feel like it’s becoming harder and harder to write. I think that’s largely a matter of higher standards, but who knows? Nothing is clear to me.

(That’s a very Tolstoyan way to end a blog post, by the way. I like his chapter endings. They’re very short. They end exactly at the point where there’s nothing more to be said. Anna Karenina is, in all aspects, an amazing work. It’s like Tolstoy simply sat down and transcribed all the moments in life that matter at all. I’ve tried, here and there, to do that, and I’ve always failed. Just try it sometime. It’s incredibly difficult.)